So what happens now?

Let’s start an awkward write-up 🙂


The noise! There’s no room for introspection here. Now’s really not the time too though. I’m at work and I should be studying for an upcoming exam. The clock is ticking. But when the mind is busy, there’s no use to force studying (excuses, excuses, excuses).


Why do I have this unceasing feeling of running out of time? There’s always an end to life but I feel that my life is ending sooner than people around me expect. I feel that I’m next to die in the family. I don’t have some chronic ailment, I just feel close to death. It seems to be calling me and I don’t mind taking its hand. Not to offend the dying, I’m not asking for death, it’s just a curious feeling inside me.


I can’t feel sorry for the things that could happen tomorrow. But I bleed on the idea of regret. The reason I break easily when taken for granted (well, apart from being taken for granted) is that there is likely no other time to make up for the lost moments.


I wish I have a book that I could root on for this text. The past days, I’ve been reading short stories of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and finished Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Wait, that’s it, Fault in Our Stars could help out here. Let’s see.

Fault in Our Stars

Young love, short-lived – elements of a tearjerker book. I wept, not as much as I would have had I not been reading this in a public place. The feeling is already familiar… disappointment, hopelessness, loss and grief. You’d hear a variation of sad goodbye tones until that final departure. Still, heart break seems to own immortality; even for a fairy tale with a twist of cancer. No matter how you embrace ‘now’, it will always come to pass.


The consolation, well, they lived and loved. Cliché.


When you’re not dying, how do I remind you to live? When I’m here tomorrow, how can I make you love me now?




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