2013. Sixty-four years after the book was published, we are living in 1984. Have we always been?
I am a sloth. I barely read the news papers as I do not find them entertaining enough. The reality presented is not as creative as the fiction that I am inclined to collect. They are mere repetitive images of conflict, victory and defeat. Although I can appreciate the habits and trends of the reports, it is the claim to reality that sometimes disgusts me. The truth is that there is no truth. What may be preserved as facts are truths related or tolerated by those who won power. Even that statement may not be true. It may be that my thoughts had been manipulated by supposed realities imparted and fabricated by the different social institutions.
My partner would scoff at me when I express disappointment on people who claim that they are not feeling well and insist that it is all in the mind. I cannot bear to pity them as I feel it is their choice to recognize the truth of their sickness instead of the health they have left and just as true. Halt with the judgment but please feel free to flog me if you are a victim of a chronic illness. Know that it is not my intention to offend you. Contradictory as it may sound, I do have compassion and sometimes I weep and grieve for those who are unwell. It is just that sometimes, I do not. It would be objective to look at clinical studies or merely view if not experience the sufferings of others and agree that pain is very much real but I am taking my chances that repudiation will allow me to fake control until it becomes real.
I do not know how far my conscious and unconscious ignorance and my maneuvered awareness will allow me to survive in this world. My predicaments when I was younger were more battering because of my age. I blame my youth for my cynicism now that I am an adult but I must say that my dilemmas now are of my own doing. I try to manage my life with what little faith I have of people and of myself. Losing one’s religion is freedom to a truth that can no longer be held truth but slavery to another reality.
It is black hole.